Chicago Adventure

Discernment

2010-01-19T04:34:00.001-08:00

The other revelation that has surfaced is about life after my service program. This entire school year, my soul continues to speak "teaching isn't right, this is hard, I don't enjoy this) The last 5 months I had had negative attitudes not only toward teaching but it has extended into my relationships with others. I have been worrying and confused about where God is calling and kept thinking what a failure (I will have my Master's in Education and am not going to use it) This was until the Spirit spoke through Msgr. Swetland. Msgr. spoke about vocation and God's will. That the 10 commandments are our guide that this is the blueprint for life and yes Christ came to fulfill the law, not abolish the law.

Through discernment we are able to hear the will of God. Msgr. talked about how people will say "I don't know where God is calling?" Through prayer, you are able to discern, through being faithful, when you hear and listen, and saying yes to life that is fulfilling. Fulfilling doesn't mean easier. For an easy life isn't a life that God has called anyone to. Life has suffering and with suffering we are closest to our Savior. How hopeful and encouraged should we all be that our sins are forgiven and the greatest suffering already has happened on the cross.

Through the next 6 months, I vow to God, to commit my life to prayer to growing so close to Him that I know where I am being called. An example that Msgr. gave was "I have a close relationship with my mom and when I am home my mom can just look at the garbage in a certain way and I know to take it out. She doesn't even need to speak. In this same way your relationship with God should be this close where you are able to hear His voice" Through prayer is how a relationship is built. I used to think prayer was when I would tell God what I wanted to do and then did it. No, this is not what discernment is, it is taking time to pray and listen. At this point, I feel that God is calling me to be a FOCUS missionary. With my desire to work with college students, journey in faith, in Catholicism, and sharing the Gospel. Through opportunities and calls that I've been given (Newman Center, Summer Project) If this is God's will, He will confirm it through prayer. If not, my prayer is that I am shown the direction and that I listen.

After all of this, the one thing that I know is that we are all Made for More and saying yes to being someone who is made for more.

Love and Responsibility

2010-01-19T04:33:00.001-08:00

During the FOCUS conference, the most impacting sessions was called Love and Responsibility by Dr. Sri. It was based off Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. It truly blew me away. The depth and richness of the Catholic faith, my faith! How unworthy and undeserving I am, yet God has called and I answered yes to go where He calls and to share this faith with others because of the everlasting life only God gives through His son Jesus Christ. Praise! Alleulia! Through the sacraments, we are able to experience Christ more fully! And through this session I learned that we are called to turn away from an "immature love" to a "mature love." A love that has Christ at the very core of who every person is/what every person desires. This desire has been placed there so that we may have abundant life. Sometimes, most of the time, this "immature love" is what people have because of Satan who masks and makes the appearance of this "immature love" seem appealing and fulfilling, that to pursue the "immature love" it will give everlasting life. FALSE! That through being faithful, self-giving, and saying yes to God's call and will in life gives you a mature love. Only through grace and works, when combined will you reside with God. I am thrilled to start reading and diving into this book to learn about what mature love looks like and the theology of the Body to understand the very core of what the sacrament of the Eucharist is and how to live a life of holiness. Thanks be to God for confession, for the absolution of sins, that I now have a clean slate and a better understanding (yet so very miniscule) of how Christ satisfies through His body that was given up for us. I pray with humility for continued understanding, strength to say yes to letting Christ fill this physical desire I have during this period of singleness, the courage-(fearless courage) to be patient and trust God for my vocation of marriage and motherhood.

Conversion

2010-01-05T17:11:00.001-08:00

This will be the year of chastity for 2010.

On January 2nd, I went to confession with Fr. Mitchell from Lincoln, NE. I spoke of my desire, my physical desire to be with a man, and my vocation of marriage and how for the last 6 years I have tried to fill my life and mind with ways to meet this physical desire (impure thoughts, dancing, flirting, sentimentality)

So simply Fr. spoke of Psalm 63. The physical longing that David experienced in the desert of our Lord. As humans we desire to be with someone and through the Eucharist (The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Risen Lord Jesus), the sacrament that we're invited into fills this need, physical need and through this longing, Christ is intimate with us.

He literally dwells inside of us, as a tabernacle. How have I been blind to this? Since 2nd grade I have been participating in the Eucharist and just now at age 23, I have just begun this journey of understanding the mystery of the most blessed sacrament. How joyous, for this revelation! After reflecting for one day, I think back to when I've been told "these earthly desires can't fulfill, only Christ, only the Savior and the relationship with Him." It never made complete sense. I would hear these words and I thought, "this should make sense why am I not understanding, why do I keep looking for ways that I think can satisfy?" But God's timing is perfect and true. God had to take me on a journey of suffering and frustration, to finally understanding through fully exposing Himself at the exposition of the Eucharist. On January 2nd His body revealed Himself to me for the first time as a sacrifice, a sacrafice for me, that I was actually looking at the body of Christ. His saving power, His desire for our lives to trust Him. And for me to trust Him at this time in my life of singleness as He prepares me for the vocation of marriage. I do desire marriage, a ministry to each other as husband and wife to grow in faith, to encourage one another, have children as an expression of our marriage that God has called us to, has planned for us and God is asking, has been asking me to be patient, to trust in His timing that He knows well the plans He has for our life. (Jeremiah 29: 10) That during this time of singleness He is preparing me and my soul as well as the person He has planned for me. How BEAUTIFUL! and PERFECT! Through the last 6 years of suffering with being chaste and even before then, God has continued and continues to fight for my heart, to fulfill my desires and when I listen and respond to His call, He blesses us beyond measure. He gives us life to the fullest. He is, will be, and is to come. He is the Great I Am.

Living in solidarity

2009-10-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

Solidarity--living in union with someone else.

Over the last 2 months, I have experienced this life. I have been living in solidarity with those who don't have a car and have to use public transportation. My commute to school in the morning and home after school have been treacherous. Not until tonight at mass did I realize that the suffering that I have been experiencing is from the Lord, to show me what others are going through. Experiencing this suffering in order for me to serve my students, this is the cost. Is it worth it? Yes, it is worth it. Did I feel alone at times, even though I could see all the others riding the bus with me? Of course. Did I want to give up? Yes. But tonight the Gospel reading was from Hebrews where Jesus calls upon us to hear the message of servanthood and solidarity. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin." That's who Jesus is--our high priest who knows our human condition completely because he has taken it on in a realistic fashion. Knowing that my Savior has suffered, the greatest suffering, I am okay with experiencing hard times because I know that He is with me, always.

Jesus lived his life for others. In whatever way we can, we are invited by him to also live our lives for others. Not overly concerned with our own circumstances, but fully aware of the common good and how we are called to contribute. The individualism we all practice so predictably is out of place in the Kingdom. Jesus, even as he tries to bring them along, is warning James and John of the cost of discipleship. It's steep, he tells them. He has the same message for us.

"Almighty God, give us strength and joy in serving you as followers of Christ. Amen."

“...A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must get it this soul.”

2009-09-05T20:30:00.001-07:00

-------Community--------
When you hear this word what or whom do you think of?
The city you live in? Your neighborhood? Your place of work? Your group of friends? (from high school, college, post college?)
Is it easy to find? Is it good community or bad community? If you have it, is it easy to maintain? Do you have more than one community? Does your community challenge you/hold you accountable in your words/actions?

I have been thinking about what community means to me. This weekend I have been here at the house by myself and so my community (my 3 roommates) are gone so I have had a chance to reflect on this area of my life.

In my service program 'community' is one of the pillars that is focused on during the 2 years that we are here in Chicago. Because of this I thought 'this will be easy.' This has been anything but easy. In the day to day of life, community can be lost so easily when you are focused on what you need to get done and what is due the next day. It is easy for me to be selfish and not want to participate in community when I want to use the shower without having to ask if anyone needs to use it. Or having to talk when I just got finished teaching Kindergartners all day, yet I know when I get home everyone will be wanting to know how it went and sometimes I just don't want to talk.

When first processing through these thoughts I am thinking, do I enjoy community? Is this what I am supposed to be experiencing? I must be experiencing these negative and challenging aspects of community for some reason. I know they didn't just appear. I know that for some time calluses have been forming on my heart.

I think community comes down to sharing life with others and it is a lot easier to not share what is going on in your life with your community of close friends. But does this challenge mean not beneficial? No, it is challenging and in turn is beneficial to the growth of me as a person and understanding myself more and seeing areas that need improvements and this allows for me to grow closer to God.

Indeed my conclusion and reflection is that community, true authentic community, where everyone is sharing in joys and struggles and everything in between, is that community becomes lifes on lifes terms, compromising, thinking of others before yourself, seeing the spirit in others' lives.

Community becomes a matter of making the choice to surround yourself with those who will challenge you, hold you accountable, encourage you when you need it most, laugh with you, comfort you when you want to give up, ask you if you are doing okay, pointing each other towards living a righteous life filled with justice and mercy.

Pope John Paul II said, "“...A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must get it this soul.”

Summer 2009

2009-08-09T07:31:00.000-07:00

The last 6 weeks have flown by. I moved up to Loyola's Lake Shore campus the last week of June and finished this past week. Over the summer I took 3 courses: Assessment, Science Methods, and Middle School Theory. I really enjoyed my classes and professors, I really enjoyed assessment class. I was constantly forced to think about how I know if my students are learning and in what ways am I doing this. I am looking forward to take this knowledge into my classroom this fall.

It has been a blessing over the last couple weeks to get to know the first year's and begin to live life with them. A true testament of faith of three first year's has been waiting for their teaching placements. This past week, Maria and John were placed and their patience and trust was rewarded. Maria will be teaching 1st grade at St. Francis of Rome and John will be teaching 4th grade at Northside Academy. Praise the Lord for His guidance through this process for them.

One more first year, Eric, is waiting to hear about his placement, so if you could keep this in your thoughts and prayers that would be wonderful.

Over the summer, I was surprised at the amount of time I would be spending by myself. Going into summer I didn't think this would be the case, but it allowed me to read a couple of books (The Translator, Julie and Julia, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Purpose Driven Life) which I enjoyed. And time to reflect on my first year of teaching and to think about the upcoming year of teaching.

I moved all my stuff back to the house on Friday and have been organizing and putting things away. The last 2 days have been refreshing as a new year begins. Maggie one of my new roommates and Kath (one the 2nd years) and I had a chance to go to dinner and just hang out and have conversation. I am blessed by their friendship and I am looking forward to our community. There are 4 of us Maggie, Kath, Margie, and myself.

I have a week off before my teaching in-services start, and I am looking forward to spending time with my roommates and going for bike rides in my neighborhood.

I hope you all have had the most delightful summer as well.

Finding God in ALL things

2009-06-07T21:36:00.000-07:00

Something that I have been learning over the course of the year is "finding God in all things." This is something that St. Ignatius talked about during his lifetime and is something that I have begun to insert into my life. Even during the moments that it seems I ask myself "Where is God?" or "I am not acting in Christ-likeness," it seems that I am always able to find God.

There have been a couple of times in the past week that have really stood out to me. On my way home I was riding the bus and the scheduled time to be in Chicago was 9:40pm. Half way through the 8 hour trip, the driver announced it would be 10:00pm. I setup my ride to be picked up at 10:00pm before my phone died. At 10:00pm the bus was still 30 minutes from the city, but I had no way to communicate with my ride that we would be late. I began to become frustrated and cursing. When I arrived at Union Station, I felt bad that I had reacted in such a way and that I didn't instead respond to the situation. My next thought in this, was I am thankful that the bus made it safe home and that I had money to travel back to Missouri. I am thankful that God allowed me to enjoy a weekend with family and friends.

Happenings of the last 3 months

2009-04-25T16:07:00.000-07:00

It has been quite awhile since I have updated many of you on how it is going here in Chicago and with the LU-Choice program. The year is coming to a close, only 6 weeks left of teaching. I can't believe it has been 12 months since I moved here and unfolded all the blessings that I have found in my students, roommates, and the program.

God has been continually working in my heart and has revealed truth to me about myself, his promises to me, and purpose in life. Here are a few that come to mind.

*The truth that God loves us, continually...never ceasing...never decreasing. That when we sin God is there, waiting for us to say "please forgive me." And that even before we ask, He has already given us His mercy.

*The concept of MERCY...is something that I have been really focused on during this Lenten Holy season. What we deserve (death) is not what we receive because of Jesus. Jesus the savior who died for all of humanity, so that we might have life.

*Understanding the depth, yet simplicity of the message of salvation fascinates me everyday.

*A sense of joy fills my soul knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. And knowing that when we trust, truly TRUST, know and believe that God is good and that He wants the best for us if we follow him everyday. He will bless us abundantly...ABUNDANTLY. How undeserving, yet it is given to us beyond compare. That when we go into the unknown with faith and allowing God to lead, beautiful things happen.

*Standing up for what you believe in and know is right is challenging. It is easier to not stand up, but victory is won over Satan when you use the courage God gives us.

*That what we believe to be true about the Gospel, God, and Jesus is how we live our life. That our experiences shape us and that what you grow up believing might not be true. That we might have to change views of God that we have always had. For me, an image that God will punish me if I mess up causing me to run further from Him. By changing that false truth to knowing that our God is a life giver. I really encourage you to reflect on what perception and false truth you might have of God and why it is false and what is the truth.

*That the word worship, is far more than just what some might think is music. In fact, worship is a lifestyle the flows from within outward, giving glory to God the creator. In whatever you are doing, do it in worship, giving thanks and praise to God.

With the program, interviews for new candidates happened in February and there are 8 new participants. There names are John, Eric, Dan, Maria, Katie, Maggie, Margie, and Kim. I am excited to meet them again and begin living life with them, getting to know them, their relationship with Jesus, and being able to share this experience from God to be able to go into Catholic schools and give the students, faculty, and parents hope through our service and love of Christ.

Through this last year and being a part of this program, God has shown me that people come from all different backgrounds with different experiences, but one thing remains common--We are people in need of God's love, mercy, grace, reconciliation. To live a life that gives glory to Jesus, who sacrificed his life so that we have life.

Here is a picture of my students.

Beautiful Lord

2009-01-10T06:29:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Lord...
That has been my thought over the last couple of weeks. The God of the universe has blessed me beyond my comprehension. With family, friends, the LU-Choice program, my roommates, my students, my co-workers, my house here in Chicago...the list can go forever.

The provision that the Lord gives to each of us is endless.

One memory that sticks out in my mind from Christmas break is one that I will carry with me forever. The last week in Mexico, my Grandma invited me and my parents over for dinner. Before going I was like "eh, just dinner and nice company." As my 80 year old Gram is preparing dinner and we sit down to supper, as I am experiencing the moments that pass over the course of an hour...my heart is touched many times by the Love of Christ. As we sit around the table, pray for the meal and have conversation...I realized something. How special it is to be in communion with others...the idea of sharing a meal with someone...a meal...something that you partake in multiple times a day...something that I can't explain, the idea of making a meal together and then sitting down to eat it together. It brings to mind the powerful image of Jesus and his apostles at the Last Supper before He is crucified. This brings me to another image...every week at Mass, the Body of Christ comes together to share in the Eucharist, the Body of Christ, in communion with one another....realizing that we are all the same, human beings created by God in Jesus' image who fail and need the spiritual nourishment, the Bread of Life and the Saving cup.

I started back at school this week. It has been a fast week. My students have been delightful and I realize how much they enjoy learning. Something that every teacher desires. I am excited for the next couple of months as we finish out the year because my students are ready to start learning how to read, telling time, simple addition and subtraction. I have a lot to teach them and am elated at what my students will learn. Second quarter is coming to a close and I pass out report cards in 2 weeks. Most of my students are doing really well. I have a couple that are struggling. In particular Sebastian, Juan, Ricky, and Eduardo.

There have been some frustrating things going on in the LU-Choice program. There are a total of 6 first years. 2 of the first years, Danielle and Elle were placed in the same school St. Barbara. The year started off shaky with their principal and hasn't improved. Danielle decided to leave the program around Thanksgiving because of issues with the principal. And now Elle is having the same issues with the Principal and doesn't know if she is going to be able to hang in there. It upsets me because the director of our program placed them there knowing that these issues existed with previous LU-Choicers. I just don't understand. I feel upset because I want it to work out for Elle and I wanted it to work out for Danielle. My experience has been wonderful and I want that for them.

In 6 weeks, there will be college students who venture here to Chicago to interview for this program in search of a service opportunity, a way to put their faith in action, and for some...they don't know why they are applying to the program...It is crazy to look over the last 7 months and how I remember the weekend I came to Chicago with my parents for the interview, meeting the current LU-Choice participants, being nervous at what would happen, if I would be accepted, if I wanted to be accepted....if I was willing to say Yes to the call.

**I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas Break and New year. I appreciate you all who read this and are in this ministry with me as my anchors, as my encouragement.

I ask all of you to pray for 2 things.
1. For Elle, who is having a hard time with her principal and doesn't know if she will stay with the program that God's sovereignty will give her peace.
2. For the LU-Choice interviews that are on February 21. For all the potential candidates that they will be interviewing and for those who are considering it that they will take a step of faith to apply.

His Beloved,
Gina

P.S. On a personal note, my brother John made a decision to move out of my parents house. For the first time he has a plan. He moved down to Arkansas after Christmas and has been there for a couple of weeks. He has a job at Chili's and has the responsibility of paying rent. Through his constant struggle with drugs and alcohol this seems to be a glimpse of light. My trust is in God that John can succeed, that John can figure things out by being away from my parents. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers as he makes this journey.

My life as I know it

2008-11-02T06:42:00.000-08:00

It has been a couple of weeks and there has been lots of exciting things going on here in Chicago. My classroom continues to evolve and I feel more comfortable as a teacher everyday. There is something new I learn everytime I am in the classroom, from how to reach all my students in my lessons to appreciating all my student's personalities.

On Sept. 8th my Kindergarten class along with pre-school and 3rd grade had a chance to go to the County Line Apple Orchard in Hobart, Indiana. It was fun to get out of the classroom and see how my students enjoyed the experience.

We also had a Walk-a-Thon Fundraiser on Sept. 23rd to raise money for our school, Our Lady of Charity. To see parents get involved and the students excited about the school was great for me. I had a chance to talk to all the students 2 weeks before this at our Walk-a-thon pep rally. To be able to address the students and let them see the importance of help out OLC by raising money reinforced the idea of giving back.

On Oct. 31st, we had a Halloween Party and the students were able to dress up in their costumes to parade around the school and go in each classroom. I was able to show my goofy and fun-loving side by dressing up as 'The Newest Member of the Hannah Montana Band." I borrowed a guitar and played each class a song and sang to them. The students got to trick-or-treat around the room. It was a really fun day.

My student Ricky who is new, is still having behavior issues. The other day, Ricky said a few things that struck me and made me realize how much my students go through, even though they are only 6 years old. Ricky was talking about getting drunk and then about how he isn't good enough.

Prayer Requests:
1. For my students and their lives outside of school that God will watch over them .
2. For Our Lady of Charity of School that it will be a school who exhibits the Light of Christ in all things.

Truly,
Gina

My Students

2008-10-05T17:55:00.001-07:00

Thinking

2008-09-28T19:29:00.000-07:00

The last couple of hours I have been trying to lesson plan and the same question keeps coming in my head. A question of whether I am called to be a teacher. During the day when I am with my kids I love what I do, but on Sunday when I go to plan my week I want to be anywhere but planning lessons. I know that there are ups and downs to everything that we do in life, but lesson planning is a MAJOR part of teaching.

There are so many parts of teaching that I didn't know about---I have to ask myself and search for the answer to the question, are those parts that I don't enjoy worth the part that I love. The part of being with my students, helping them, and seeing their development and growth?

Lord,
I am calling upon your name
Your Holy name, Your guidance, Your unfailing Plan for my Life
You are Good and I am coming to You for rest.
~gmac

My Classroom

2008-09-08T15:42:00.000-07:00

These are in backward order, so as you scroll down it is the most recent.

*My students helped decorate the bulletin board with colored coconuts for the Rain Forest Themed Room.

*The bulletin board right outside my room. It shows what a good teacher is and what a good student is.

*Me in the morning at my door before the students arrived. (I was getting lots of butterflies at this point.)

*The students' name tags to go along with the Rain Forest Theme Classroom.

*My teaching aid, Mrs. Jones, who has been helping out at OLC (Our Lady of Charity School) for over 15 years.

*My roommate Megan Sweeney who teaches first grade at my school. She is right across the hall, just in case I need anything.

*My book border bulletin board where I will be teaching my students daily phonics, so they will be able to read.

*My 'Jesus Loves You' bulletin board which I will be using for Religion class and doing a character word of the week.

*My 'Who lost a tooth?' poster to keep track of all the new beautiful smiles that will happen throughout the year.

*My 'Happy Birthday' bulletin board, with my cute birthday bears!

*My 'business-y' bulletin board. This one is my favorite...it's official...I am a teacher!

*My morning routine board where my students learn the months, days of the week, weather forecast, and the number line.

*View of the class from my desk

*Paint area

*View of my class from the morning routine board

*Reading area/Class Library

*View of class/my desk from the front door

*View of class from right inside the door

*View of play area

*Another view

*Another view of the room from my desk

*BEFORE pictures...Everything was packed away because our school got new windows. I had 3 days to get my room ready. yikes!

*BEFORE--View of play area on right side and view of class library on left

*Students cubby area

*BEFORE--view from my morning routine board

*BEFORE--the view from my door

So, this is my classroom. My first day went well, I am so thankful and am looking forward to the school year. My motto for this year is "I will do it and it will be good."

:)
~gina

The Day before my 1st Day of Teaching

2008-09-07T04:19:00.000-07:00

"He is my Refuge"
I can't believe I am a day away from starting a new chapter in my life...as a Kindergarten teacher. I don't feel prepared, but there is a truth that I am clinging onto. It comes from Scripture in Deuteronomy. "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27

Something that I am learning from this past week as I was getting my room ready is that I will have curve balls thrown at me when I expect something else and my attitude has to be "okay, then I will do this instead." I have to be adaptable to change from the original schedule and learn to work around things that come up.

I have to lean on God as my Refuge, my shelter, my guidance, my protector, my everlasting God. I want my resting place this year and forever to be the everlasting arms of God.

My prayer for my school year at Our Lady of Charity comes from my devotional "Arms, sheltering Arms, express the loving tenderness that I need from My Father in Heaven. During my troubles and difficulties as a first year teacher, I need nothing so much as a refuge. A place to hide in. A place where none and nothing can touch me. God is my Refuge. This is the truth that is in my very soul. I want to feel God as my Refuge until fear goes, and Joy ripples through in its place. Refuge. Everlasting Arms so untiring, so safe--so sure."
--Amen

Words that I want to be true of me:
*Respectable
*Loving
*Effective Teacher
*Organized
*Prepared
*Christ focused
*Light-hearted spirit

Update & "We all want to be LOVED"

2008-09-01T06:27:00.000-07:00

UPDATE

It has been awhile since I have updated and I wanted to fill you all in what has been going on.

I am finally settled into my new house. I live 10 minutes from downtown Chicago and I am loving the area that I am in. It is an interesting area with a younger aged crowd but with pockets of older Ukrainian families. My house is great and I have been BLESSED with 3 amazing roommates--Kath, Megan, and Kathleen.

Kath was my roommate over the summer when I was on Loyola's Lake Shore Campus. She is from New Jersey, went to school at Notre Dame and is teaching 4th grade.

Megan is a 2nd year LU-Choice student and she is from Michigan, also went to school at Notre Dame and is teaching 1st grade at the same school as me (Our Lady of Charity) I am so thankful for Megan because she has been a huge help in acquainting me with the staff and how things are done at OLC.

Kathleen is a 2nd year LU-Choice student as well and she is from Minnesota, went to school there, and is teaching middle school math.

I get into my classroom for the first time this Tuesday September 2 to setup, put up bulletin boards, and get organized. I start teaching Monday September 8. I am getting anxious to start, but the thing that makes me most nervous is not knowing how I will be as a teacher and how my days will look. I am trusting God for each step.

This past week (Aug. 22-Aug. 30) I had a chance to go home to Mexico, MO for one of my best friend's bachelorette party and to visit my family. It was a great time to see high school friends and catch up. Then I had a whole week to be home, sleep in my own bed, hang out with my parents, and I was able to go visit my grandma and eat lunch with her.

We all want to be LOVED

As the storm continues with my brother John, it is never easy to go home. It is a reality, not something that I can avoid. His struggle with drugs and alcohol is something that I don't fully understand. The way that he disrespects himself translates into how he is disrespectful to my mom. Something that was brought to my attention during a discussion at the young singles group that I am a part of at my church is "Those who struggle with addiction are not able to have healthy and holy relationships." This is a repeated theme in my brother's life. Always hanging out with different people and never being happy where he is at. Something that was interesting to me, was one night my mom and I had to go pick John up and something that he kept talking about was "I just want a relationship with someone." At this moment I realized that my brother, like the rest of us are always seeking for meaning in our lives, our friendships, our relationships and above all we want to be loved.

We all seek for acceptance and love from others. It seems that everyone looks for love in the places that seem the most fulfilling, the easiest, the places that are familiar to them...in material things, money, physical relationships, addictions...and the reality of it all...is that Jesus has love for all of us if we are willing to ACCEPT it...that is the tricky part....willingness to accept Christ's Love...in healthy friendships, relationships, and from our families and communities that we are a part of.

When I think about my brother John and how he is desperately searching for meaning in his life, my heart is in constant battle because I get so angry, frustrated, and overcome with hate for how he lives his life, how he treats my mom (someone that I love, someone that is my best friend) yet at the same time I want to represent Christ with my thoughts, actions, and words. Encouraging him, helping bear his cross, his hardships.

At church last night at Old St.Pat's Father Tom spoke about 'storms' in our life. How we as human beings want to avoid them and we want to rebuke them. It would be great if I could take domestic violence and addiction in the back yard and tell it to go away, that it isn't welcome. But this is the card that my family has been dealt and through this storm that has been going on over the last 1o years, we ask you to pray with us, to take the journey with us as we try to encourage my brother with love and truth. Fr. Tom spoke about prayer last night too and how we can't expect that just because we pray that God answers it in the way that we think He should, that everything will be fixed. But instead prayer is a way for us as a community of believers...a body of Christ to come together, to be one, that in a way we are each others' strength, that we give each other faith when we have lost it.

The hope that we all have in the midst of storms in our lives is in the passage in the gospel of Mark when Jesus "stepped into the boat." Not that he will necessarily always calm the storm, but that He steps into our boats with us, by our sides, guiding and comforting us. That through our friendships, family, and those people that are placed into our lives, give us hope that we need...that they also "step into our boats." Through prayer and conversations, hugs and kisses. Will you always accept the opportunity to step into others' boats, when they are suffering, need hope, or need the love of Christ?

Here is a song that I found by Lifehouse, which talks about the storms of life. I hope you all enjoy it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_jSSVJwGek

Prayer Requests:
1. For the start of my school year, that it will be a smooth transition
2. For my Kindergarten class, that it will be a faith-filled year
3. That I and my family will continue to trust Christ with the situation with my brother John

~gina

Being a successful teacher

2008-07-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

It seems that every time I have an assignment due for one of my education graduate classes, the same question pops into my head, "how am I going to be a teacher?" More so, how am I going to be a teacher with only 3 classes under my belt? I feel lost every time I try to work on an assignment and Satan really attacks my confidence. I try to tell myself "Gina you will be great, you are more than capable to do this" and then 2 seconds later there Satan is again filling my head and heart full of lies!

This questioning of is this where I am supposed to be, this stirring in my stomach, a place where failure is in the forefront of my mind. Why am I so afraid of failure?

How do I work beyond this into God's presence? No anxiety. No worries. No questioning. INTO a confidence in God's Will for my life. To be teaching in under resourced schools with no background of education. A place of peace. Of trust.

God is truly asking me to lay down my questions of the future at His feet, to allow God to carry me, to serve Him, and to not worry.

Sometimes, it is okay to just BE. To sit at the table of the Lord and to be still, not thinking a million thoughts and to breathe.

A revelation that I have been having is my presumption that teaching is easy and fun has proven to be quite the contrary. Teaching is a lot of work, this whole idea of assessing students learning to see if they are understanding the material. And after being a student for 17 years and now I am on the opposite end of that as a teacher is like switching gears from first to fifth. I commend my teachers, they truly are heroes.

I am here on this journey and I surrender.

Character vs. Personality

2008-07-27T12:10:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been pondering the difference of personality and character. Wondering what makes them different. When I hear someone say "Bob has a honest character," vs. "Bob has a honest personality." The phrases take on different meanings for me.

According to dictionary.com I found the definitions that describe what character and personality are.
Personality-1. the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others: He has a pleasing personality. 2.the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual.
Character- 1. moral or ethical quality: a man of fine, honorable character. 2. qualities of honesty, courage, or the like; integrity: It takes character to face up to a bully.

As I continued to think about this it seems that personality and character are used interchangeably, but the main difference I noticed is 'moral' quality of a person is included in with character more of an internal presence where as personality is external, what is visible to others.

What do you all think?

Witnessing for Jesus

2008-07-05T17:45:00.000-07:00

Christ be the center of our lives, be the place we fix our eyes.

Over the last 2 weeks I am finally settling into the city life, God has been revealing himself to me more and more. Giving me a peace about being here for the next 2 years to be a part of God's plan and .

I am already seeing the blessings that are being bestowed upon me and I stand in awe of how PERFECT God's design for my life truly is. This Wednesday July 2nd Megan (one of the second year LU CHOICE students) and myself were in charge of shared prayer and spirituality sharing for our group. We decided to dig a little deeper and talk about being witnesses for Jesus and what that looks like in our lives. We talked about the passage in Matthew 16:13-19, Peter's confession of Christ. It is a beautiful picture of telling others about Christ and His love. As a group we discussed how can we be witnesses for Christ in our ministry as teachers and in our communities in which we will live. One of the guys Matt mentioned a quote from St. Francis of Assisi "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words." Matt also gave us something to think about "If we are the only Jesus that people encounter let it be one of love." As we all begin teaching this fall in under resourced schools to bring the message of Christ it will be our actions that will speak volumes to the children. Another quote from the great St.Francis of Assisi, "It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching."

I started 2 education methods classes on Monday June 30th , Literacy and Social studies/fine arts. For the first week, they have been going well. I have been learning a lot about how to be an effective teacher. I am reading Esperanza Rising and the Dinosaurs of Water House Hawkins for my literacy class and am researching photography as an art for my social studies/fine arts course.

I believe where I saw God most this week was when some of us first years decided to go watch the movie Wall-e in nearby Evanston. We decided to not print off any directions because we knew that it was fairly close and Doug had a GPS system. It turned out that when we got into the car the GPS system, Sean, didn't want to cooperate and wouldn't find a signal. This forced us to work together as a team in a stressful situation, to stay patient and not become frustrated. After driving for over an hour, almost hitting a fox and deer, we arrived at Century Theater to watch Wall-e. (which is such a cute movie!) On our way back, it only took us about ten minutes and we were able to laugh about the trip there.

The area I have not been able to find God in the last 2 weeks is being able to love fully and not being able to trust fully.

It has been fun being here in Chicago for the July 4th festivities. Danielle, Elle, and I went to Navy Pier yesterday for the afternoon and stayed to watch the fireworks. We got to the Pier around 3pm and sat by the water and read while listening to a live band, so enjoyable. Then we ate at a fairly cheap cafe and when we were done we decided we wanted to ride the Ferris wheel, but it was quite expensive for 3 college students, so we went back to where we were sitting earlier. This posed a problem because we could only find 2 chairs and there were 3 of us. It turns out that a lady needed 2 chairs and was willing to give us $20 so we took it and went back to ride our ferris wheel! It was perfect and Chicago looks great at night! The fireworks show was spectacular and patriotic music accompanied them. After the show was over, it was quite the experience of going through over half a million people. We budged our way through to a quick exit and made it out in about 15 minutes.

Life is all about problem solving! :)

Prayer Requests:
1. The LU CHOICE group (12 of us) would continue to grow together as a group spiritually
2. That I will fully Trust God with ALL areas of my life
3. That our group will be Witnesses for Jesus at all times

In Christ's endless Love,
Gmac

1st Week @ Loyola!

2008-06-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

Well my journey has begun.
I arrived in Chicago last Thursday June 12. It was quite a move. My parents and I left at 4am and made up here by 11am. First we pulled right up to Fordham Hall and the 2nd year LU CHOICE teachers helped move all of my stuff up to the 6th floor, room 608. My mom and I started putting my things away into the afternoon until I heard a knock on the door and it was Kath my new roommate for the summer. Kath is from New Jersey and went to school at Notre Dame. She is super nice and I knew we would get along great. A week in and it is going great!

Shortly after getting the apt. put together my parents and I left to go to my great aunt Cathy and uncle Gene's for dinner. Little did we know it would be 3 hours later and still trying to find their house which is actually only 30 minutes from my apt. Once we got there I had the best Chicago style deep dish pizza from Lou Mahnti's.

Over the next 3 days the first and second year students had orientation and a mini retreat. This was a great time for me to get to know the other people in my class and also in the class above us. It was a great time to reflect on the process of applying for the program, how we are all ordained to be here by God and to go through this experience together. We participated in many get to know, team work, communication activities and before I knew it Sunday was here and I was preparing for my 1st day of graduate class.

I have now been in Educational Psychology with the lovely Dr. Schiller who is great with many innovative ideas to bring into the classroom and a way to integrate many content areas at once, like math, literature, religion, etc. for one lesson plan.

Through this course we have been working with students from Swift school. I have been working with 2nd and 3rd graders and it has been nice to take the ideas that we are learning with Dr. Schiller and immediately applying them with the students everyday.

Yesterday June 18th was the first day that I was in a 'funk' and I began to have thoughts of second guessing my decision to come here. Questions like..."God are you sure you were calling me here, to do this rigorous program?" "Are you sure you chose the right Gina?"

Feelings of inadequacy and wondering if I am going to have enough patience for the kindergarten students. When thinking about educating the younger ones, I think is it really going to be teaching them? Will I feel like I am accomplishing something?

Then I go back to what I know. When praying about what to do after college at Northwest I told God I want to GO where there is a need. And this program places us in areas where there is a hard time finding teachers because of the pay, conditions, stability. Then I think about how faithful God is and how He will provide me with what I need. I have to go beyond myself and be someone for others.

Last night our community (the 6 1st year LU CHOICE teachers) decided to go play a game of whiffel ball and that was really fun to get out by Lake Michigan on a beautiful night and enjoy one another and do something fun!

As the first week comes to a close I am thankful for where I have seen God in every moment and how I continue to realize and God reveals to me how much I need Him.

Reality

2008-05-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

As I came home from Maryville and have been spending needed time with my family some heart breaking realities have come to my attention.

My older brother John who is 26 has a son, Dillon. Dil is the cutest thing! Here are pictures.

My brother and Ashley (Dillon's mom) are not together and don't have the best relationship. Before a couple of weeks ago, Dillon would come over almost every weekend, however an incident happened and now Ashley doesn't want Dillon coming over.

On Sunday May 25 there was a knock on the door. I thought it was some child wanting to sell us something so I made my dad answer the door. ( I am horrible at telling little kids no) I went into the kitchen and when the door opened it was Dillon. My mom and I ran into the living room and my mom knelt down and gave Dillon a big hug and kiss. Dillon was with his grandpa and they were in the neighborhood and decided to stop by.

I picked up Dillon, and gave him a big hug. He looked me in the eyes with a grim and sad look and said "I've missed you auntie Gina." Tears swelled in my eyes. Then Dillon went to John and said, "Dad, I want to come stay with you but mom won't listen or let me." For the first time I realized how sad this situation is. This is not how God intended "family" to be. We have to make the best of what is going on and my prayer has been that Ashley's heart will soften.

My next thought was...this is what most of the children that I will have as students will be going through with divided households. I pray for courage and love to show these children.

Today on facebook I think that the daily bible verse is great. It gives us a picture of how we are supposed to live...as salt of the earth. :D

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
Matthew 5:13-16

Simplifying

2008-05-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of months, I have been trying to simplify my life. It all started when I took on this task of organizing my room. I borrowed this how-to book from my friend Megan at work and ever since then, I can't stop giving things away. These are things that I simply don't need in my life and it feels so good to have less. The other reason I am simplifying is for my move to Chicago. I am only going to be able to take what can fit in my dad's truck, which doesn't give me much room to work with.

These are 2 quotes that I have come to love and strive for everyday.

"Perhaps there are times we are called to live simply so that our focus of reaching the destitute cannot be swayed by our worry of losing material possessions."

"We have all known the long loneliness, and we have found that the answer is community."
-Dorothy Day

God's Provision

2008-05-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

As I think about how God provides for my life it gives my soul a feeling of peace and reassurance knowing that my journey to Chicago will have God's hand in all I do.

I have been able to quickly see this provision when on Mother's day, My parents and I went to Grandpa and Grandma Talken's house when I found out that Grandpa has a sister that lives and works downtown, right where I will be. This immediately calmed me and I was able to let my nervousness about being 7 hours from home go away, knowing that I had family so close. Katherine is Grandpa's sister and I can't wait to meet her, Grandpa called her and let me talk with her and she was nothing but sweet!

Day after my college graduation

2008-05-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here alone in an empty apartment...when just yesterday it was filled with family and friends...Life is changing so fast, faster than I can understand. I am listening Martina McBride's song "Trying to find a reason," It explains my feelings of leaving Northwest. "maybe it is time to walk away if I am trying to find a reason to stay...all I know is it can't go on forever..." There is so much waiting for me in Chicago and I am ready for the adventure...the adventure that is at my feet. I am ready to dive in, both feet first! :)

As I look back a couple of months ago in August 2007 when I started a job to 'just pay the bills' I never knew that it could change my heart and life forever. I was hired as an after school teacher at St.Gregory's school. From the first day of meeting my co-workers, parents and students I loved it! I finally saw what I enjoyed and was good at. To my surprise I would stumble upon an opportunity of a lifetime to be able to receive my Master's in Education from Loyola University. The LU-Choice program is setup to help financially and at the same time be in the classroom teaching. The best part is living with other participants while growing together in our struggles as teachers, doing bible studies, making meals together, and experiencing Chicago!

God has given my heart peace about moving on, pressing forward to this new time in my life and I will be helping out in an area where there is a need for it, the inner city schools of Chicago. Service teaching is going to be challenging in ways that I don't even know right now.

It hasn't seemed like 4 years ago I was moving up here to NW. Time just passes us by without us even noticing. I have enjoyed my time here and the past week of saying good-bye has been bittersweet. I am ready to start the new chapter of my life in Chicago. This chapter is one of excitement in the unknown, I don't know who I will meet along the way or who will touch my life. I am trusting God to guide my path and meet me there.

Fondly,

Gina