The other revelation that has surfaced is about life after my service program. This entire school year, my soul continues to speak "teaching isn't right, this is hard, I don't enjoy this) The last 5 months I had had negative attitudes not only toward teaching but it has extended into my relationships with others. I have been worrying and confused about where God is calling and kept thinking what a failure (I will have my Master's in Education and am not going to use it) This was until the Spirit spoke through Msgr. Swetland. Msgr. spoke about vocation and God's will. That the 10 commandments are our guide that this is the blueprint for life and yes Christ came to fulfill the law, not abolish the law.
Through discernment we are able to hear the will of God. Msgr. talked about how people will say "I don't know where God is calling?" Through prayer, you are able to discern, through being faithful, when you hear and listen, and saying yes to life that is fulfilling. Fulfilling doesn't mean easier. For an easy life isn't a life that God has called anyone to. Life has suffering and with suffering we are closest to our Savior. How hopeful and encouraged should we all be that our sins are forgiven and the greatest suffering already has happened on the cross.
Through the next 6 months, I vow to God, to commit my life to prayer to growing so close to Him that I know where I am being called. An example that Msgr. gave was "I have a close relationship with my mom and when I am home my mom can just look at the garbage in a certain way and I know to take it out. She doesn't even need to speak. In this same way your relationship with God should be this close where you are able to hear His voice" Through prayer is how a relationship is built. I used to think prayer was when I would tell God what I wanted to do and then did it. No, this is not what discernment is, it is taking time to pray and listen. At this point, I feel that God is calling me to be a FOCUS missionary. With my desire to work with college students, journey in faith, in Catholicism, and sharing the Gospel. Through opportunities and calls that I've been given (Newman Center, Summer Project) If this is God's will, He will confirm it through prayer. If not, my prayer is that I am shown the direction and that I listen.
After all of this, the one thing that I know is that we are all Made for More and saying yes to being someone who is made for more.
1.19.2010
Love and Responsibility
During the FOCUS conference, the most impacting sessions was called Love and Responsibility by Dr. Sri. It was based off Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. It truly blew me away. The depth and richness of the Catholic faith, my faith! How unworthy and undeserving I am, yet God has called and I answered yes to go where He calls and to share this faith with others because of the everlasting life only God gives through His son Jesus Christ. Praise! Alleulia! Through the sacraments, we are able to experience Christ more fully! And through this session I learned that we are called to turn away from an "immature love" to a "mature love." A love that has Christ at the very core of who every person is/what every person desires. This desire has been placed there so that we may have abundant life. Sometimes, most of the time, this "immature love" is what people have because of Satan who masks and makes the appearance of this "immature love" seem appealing and fulfilling, that to pursue the "immature love" it will give everlasting life. FALSE! That through being faithful, self-giving, and saying yes to God's call and will in life gives you a mature love. Only through grace and works, when combined will you reside with God. I am thrilled to start reading and diving into this book to learn about what mature love looks like and the theology of the Body to understand the very core of what the sacrament of the Eucharist is and how to live a life of holiness. Thanks be to God for confession, for the absolution of sins, that I now have a clean slate and a better understanding (yet so very miniscule) of how Christ satisfies through His body that was given up for us. I pray with humility for continued understanding, strength to say yes to letting Christ fill this physical desire I have during this period of singleness, the courage-(fearless courage) to be patient and trust God for my vocation of marriage and motherhood.
1.05.2010
Conversion
This will be the year of chastity for 2010.
On January 2nd, I went to confession with Fr. Mitchell from Lincoln, NE. I spoke of my desire, my physical desire to be with a man, and my vocation of marriage and how for the last 6 years I have tried to fill my life and mind with ways to meet this physical desire (impure thoughts, dancing, flirting, sentimentality)
So simply Fr. spoke of Psalm 63. The physical longing that David experienced in the desert of our Lord. As humans we desire to be with someone and through the Eucharist (The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Risen Lord Jesus), the sacrament that we're invited into fills this need, physical need and through this longing, Christ is intimate with us.
He literally dwells inside of us, as a tabernacle. How have I been blind to this? Since 2nd grade I have been participating in the Eucharist and just now at age 23, I have just begun this journey of understanding the mystery of the most blessed sacrament. How joyous, for this revelation! After reflecting for one day, I think back to when I've been told "these earthly desires can't fulfill, only Christ, only the Savior and the relationship with Him." It never made complete sense. I would hear these words and I thought, "this should make sense why am I not understanding, why do I keep looking for ways that I think can satisfy?" But God's timing is perfect and true. God had to take me on a journey of suffering and frustration, to finally understanding through fully exposing Himself at the exposition of the Eucharist. On January 2nd His body revealed Himself to me for the first time as a sacrifice, a sacrafice for me, that I was actually looking at the body of Christ. His saving power, His desire for our lives to trust Him. And for me to trust Him at this time in my life of singleness as He prepares me for the vocation of marriage. I do desire marriage, a ministry to each other as husband and wife to grow in faith, to encourage one another, have children as an expression of our marriage that God has called us to, has planned for us and God is asking, has been asking me to be patient, to trust in His timing that He knows well the plans He has for our life. (Jeremiah 29: 10) That during this time of singleness He is preparing me and my soul as well as the person He has planned for me. How BEAUTIFUL! and PERFECT! Through the last 6 years of suffering with being chaste and even before then, God has continued and continues to fight for my heart, to fulfill my desires and when I listen and respond to His call, He blesses us beyond measure. He gives us life to the fullest. He is, will be, and is to come. He is the Great I Am.
On January 2nd, I went to confession with Fr. Mitchell from Lincoln, NE. I spoke of my desire, my physical desire to be with a man, and my vocation of marriage and how for the last 6 years I have tried to fill my life and mind with ways to meet this physical desire (impure thoughts, dancing, flirting, sentimentality)
So simply Fr. spoke of Psalm 63. The physical longing that David experienced in the desert of our Lord. As humans we desire to be with someone and through the Eucharist (The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Risen Lord Jesus), the sacrament that we're invited into fills this need, physical need and through this longing, Christ is intimate with us.
He literally dwells inside of us, as a tabernacle. How have I been blind to this? Since 2nd grade I have been participating in the Eucharist and just now at age 23, I have just begun this journey of understanding the mystery of the most blessed sacrament. How joyous, for this revelation! After reflecting for one day, I think back to when I've been told "these earthly desires can't fulfill, only Christ, only the Savior and the relationship with Him." It never made complete sense. I would hear these words and I thought, "this should make sense why am I not understanding, why do I keep looking for ways that I think can satisfy?" But God's timing is perfect and true. God had to take me on a journey of suffering and frustration, to finally understanding through fully exposing Himself at the exposition of the Eucharist. On January 2nd His body revealed Himself to me for the first time as a sacrifice, a sacrafice for me, that I was actually looking at the body of Christ. His saving power, His desire for our lives to trust Him. And for me to trust Him at this time in my life of singleness as He prepares me for the vocation of marriage. I do desire marriage, a ministry to each other as husband and wife to grow in faith, to encourage one another, have children as an expression of our marriage that God has called us to, has planned for us and God is asking, has been asking me to be patient, to trust in His timing that He knows well the plans He has for our life. (Jeremiah 29: 10) That during this time of singleness He is preparing me and my soul as well as the person He has planned for me. How BEAUTIFUL! and PERFECT! Through the last 6 years of suffering with being chaste and even before then, God has continued and continues to fight for my heart, to fulfill my desires and when I listen and respond to His call, He blesses us beyond measure. He gives us life to the fullest. He is, will be, and is to come. He is the Great I Am.
10.17.2009
Living in solidarity
Solidarity--living in union with someone else.
Over the last 2 months, I have experienced this life. I have been living in solidarity with those who don't have a car and have to use public transportation. My commute to school in the morning and home after school have been treacherous. Not until tonight at mass did I realize that the suffering that I have been experiencing is from the Lord, to show me what others are going through. Experiencing this suffering in order for me to serve my students, this is the cost. Is it worth it? Yes, it is worth it. Did I feel alone at times, even though I could see all the others riding the bus with me? Of course. Did I want to give up? Yes. But tonight the Gospel reading was from Hebrews where Jesus calls upon us to hear the message of servanthood and solidarity. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin." That's who Jesus is--our high priest who knows our human condition completely because he has taken it on in a realistic fashion. Knowing that my Savior has suffered, the greatest suffering, I am okay with experiencing hard times because I know that He is with me, always.
Jesus lived his life for others. In whatever way we can, we are invited by him to also live our lives for others. Not overly concerned with our own circumstances, but fully aware of the common good and how we are called to contribute. The individualism we all practice so predictably is out of place in the Kingdom. Jesus, even as he tries to bring them along, is warning James and John of the cost of discipleship. It's steep, he tells them. He has the same message for us.
"Almighty God, give us strength and joy in serving you as followers of Christ. Amen."
Over the last 2 months, I have experienced this life. I have been living in solidarity with those who don't have a car and have to use public transportation. My commute to school in the morning and home after school have been treacherous. Not until tonight at mass did I realize that the suffering that I have been experiencing is from the Lord, to show me what others are going through. Experiencing this suffering in order for me to serve my students, this is the cost. Is it worth it? Yes, it is worth it. Did I feel alone at times, even though I could see all the others riding the bus with me? Of course. Did I want to give up? Yes. But tonight the Gospel reading was from Hebrews where Jesus calls upon us to hear the message of servanthood and solidarity. "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin." That's who Jesus is--our high priest who knows our human condition completely because he has taken it on in a realistic fashion. Knowing that my Savior has suffered, the greatest suffering, I am okay with experiencing hard times because I know that He is with me, always.
Jesus lived his life for others. In whatever way we can, we are invited by him to also live our lives for others. Not overly concerned with our own circumstances, but fully aware of the common good and how we are called to contribute. The individualism we all practice so predictably is out of place in the Kingdom. Jesus, even as he tries to bring them along, is warning James and John of the cost of discipleship. It's steep, he tells them. He has the same message for us.
"Almighty God, give us strength and joy in serving you as followers of Christ. Amen."
9.05.2009
“...A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must get it this soul.”
-------Community--------
When you hear this word what or whom do you think of?
The city you live in? Your neighborhood? Your place of work? Your group of friends? (from high school, college, post college?)
Is it easy to find? Is it good community or bad community? If you have it, is it easy to maintain? Do you have more than one community? Does your community challenge you/hold you accountable in your words/actions?
I have been thinking about what community means to me. This weekend I have been here at the house by myself and so my community (my 3 roommates) are gone so I have had a chance to reflect on this area of my life.
In my service program 'community' is one of the pillars that is focused on during the 2 years that we are here in Chicago. Because of this I thought 'this will be easy.' This has been anything but easy. In the day to day of life, community can be lost so easily when you are focused on what you need to get done and what is due the next day. It is easy for me to be selfish and not want to participate in community when I want to use the shower without having to ask if anyone needs to use it. Or having to talk when I just got finished teaching Kindergartners all day, yet I know when I get home everyone will be wanting to know how it went and sometimes I just don't want to talk.
When first processing through these thoughts I am thinking, do I enjoy community? Is this what I am supposed to be experiencing? I must be experiencing these negative and challenging aspects of community for some reason. I know they didn't just appear. I know that for some time calluses have been forming on my heart.
I think community comes down to sharing life with others and it is a lot easier to not share what is going on in your life with your community of close friends. But does this challenge mean not beneficial? No, it is challenging and in turn is beneficial to the growth of me as a person and understanding myself more and seeing areas that need improvements and this allows for me to grow closer to God.
Indeed my conclusion and reflection is that community, true authentic community, where everyone is sharing in joys and struggles and everything in between, is that community becomes lifes on lifes terms, compromising, thinking of others before yourself, seeing the spirit in others' lives.
Community becomes a matter of making the choice to surround yourself with those who will challenge you, hold you accountable, encourage you when you need it most, laugh with you, comfort you when you want to give up, ask you if you are doing okay, pointing each other towards living a righteous life filled with justice and mercy.
Pope John Paul II said, "“...A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must get it this soul.”
When you hear this word what or whom do you think of?
The city you live in? Your neighborhood? Your place of work? Your group of friends? (from high school, college, post college?)
Is it easy to find? Is it good community or bad community? If you have it, is it easy to maintain? Do you have more than one community? Does your community challenge you/hold you accountable in your words/actions?
I have been thinking about what community means to me. This weekend I have been here at the house by myself and so my community (my 3 roommates) are gone so I have had a chance to reflect on this area of my life.
In my service program 'community' is one of the pillars that is focused on during the 2 years that we are here in Chicago. Because of this I thought 'this will be easy.' This has been anything but easy. In the day to day of life, community can be lost so easily when you are focused on what you need to get done and what is due the next day. It is easy for me to be selfish and not want to participate in community when I want to use the shower without having to ask if anyone needs to use it. Or having to talk when I just got finished teaching Kindergartners all day, yet I know when I get home everyone will be wanting to know how it went and sometimes I just don't want to talk.
When first processing through these thoughts I am thinking, do I enjoy community? Is this what I am supposed to be experiencing? I must be experiencing these negative and challenging aspects of community for some reason. I know they didn't just appear. I know that for some time calluses have been forming on my heart.
I think community comes down to sharing life with others and it is a lot easier to not share what is going on in your life with your community of close friends. But does this challenge mean not beneficial? No, it is challenging and in turn is beneficial to the growth of me as a person and understanding myself more and seeing areas that need improvements and this allows for me to grow closer to God.
Indeed my conclusion and reflection is that community, true authentic community, where everyone is sharing in joys and struggles and everything in between, is that community becomes lifes on lifes terms, compromising, thinking of others before yourself, seeing the spirit in others' lives.
Community becomes a matter of making the choice to surround yourself with those who will challenge you, hold you accountable, encourage you when you need it most, laugh with you, comfort you when you want to give up, ask you if you are doing okay, pointing each other towards living a righteous life filled with justice and mercy.
Pope John Paul II said, "“...A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must get it this soul.”
8.09.2009
Summer 2009
The last 6 weeks have flown by. I moved up to Loyola's Lake Shore campus the last week of June and finished this past week. Over the summer I took 3 courses: Assessment, Science Methods, and Middle School Theory. I really enjoyed my classes and professors, I really enjoyed assessment class. I was constantly forced to think about how I know if my students are learning and in what ways am I doing this. I am looking forward to take this knowledge into my classroom this fall.
It has been a blessing over the last couple weeks to get to know the first year's and begin to live life with them. A true testament of faith of three first year's has been waiting for their teaching placements. This past week, Maria and John were placed and their patience and trust was rewarded. Maria will be teaching 1st grade at St. Francis of Rome and John will be teaching 4th grade at Northside Academy. Praise the Lord for His guidance through this process for them.
One more first year, Eric, is waiting to hear about his placement, so if you could keep this in your thoughts and prayers that would be wonderful.
Over the summer, I was surprised at the amount of time I would be spending by myself. Going into summer I didn't think this would be the case, but it allowed me to read a couple of books (The Translator, Julie and Julia, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Purpose Driven Life) which I enjoyed. And time to reflect on my first year of teaching and to think about the upcoming year of teaching.
I moved all my stuff back to the house on Friday and have been organizing and putting things away. The last 2 days have been refreshing as a new year begins. Maggie one of my new roommates and Kath (one the 2nd years) and I had a chance to go to dinner and just hang out and have conversation. I am blessed by their friendship and I am looking forward to our community. There are 4 of us Maggie, Kath, Margie, and myself.
I have a week off before my teaching in-services start, and I am looking forward to spending time with my roommates and going for bike rides in my neighborhood.
I hope you all have had the most delightful summer as well.
It has been a blessing over the last couple weeks to get to know the first year's and begin to live life with them. A true testament of faith of three first year's has been waiting for their teaching placements. This past week, Maria and John were placed and their patience and trust was rewarded. Maria will be teaching 1st grade at St. Francis of Rome and John will be teaching 4th grade at Northside Academy. Praise the Lord for His guidance through this process for them.
One more first year, Eric, is waiting to hear about his placement, so if you could keep this in your thoughts and prayers that would be wonderful.
Over the summer, I was surprised at the amount of time I would be spending by myself. Going into summer I didn't think this would be the case, but it allowed me to read a couple of books (The Translator, Julie and Julia, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Purpose Driven Life) which I enjoyed. And time to reflect on my first year of teaching and to think about the upcoming year of teaching.
I moved all my stuff back to the house on Friday and have been organizing and putting things away. The last 2 days have been refreshing as a new year begins. Maggie one of my new roommates and Kath (one the 2nd years) and I had a chance to go to dinner and just hang out and have conversation. I am blessed by their friendship and I am looking forward to our community. There are 4 of us Maggie, Kath, Margie, and myself.
I have a week off before my teaching in-services start, and I am looking forward to spending time with my roommates and going for bike rides in my neighborhood.
I hope you all have had the most delightful summer as well.
6.07.2009
Finding God in ALL things
Something that I have been learning over the course of the year is "finding God in all things." This is something that St. Ignatius talked about during his lifetime and is something that I have begun to insert into my life. Even during the moments that it seems I ask myself "Where is God?" or "I am not acting in Christ-likeness," it seems that I am always able to find God.
There have been a couple of times in the past week that have really stood out to me. On my way home I was riding the bus and the scheduled time to be in Chicago was 9:40pm. Half way through the 8 hour trip, the driver announced it would be 10:00pm. I setup my ride to be picked up at 10:00pm before my phone died. At 10:00pm the bus was still 30 minutes from the city, but I had no way to communicate with my ride that we would be late. I began to become frustrated and cursing. When I arrived at Union Station, I felt bad that I had reacted in such a way and that I didn't instead respond to the situation. My next thought in this, was I am thankful that the bus made it safe home and that I had money to travel back to Missouri. I am thankful that God allowed me to enjoy a weekend with family and friends.
There have been a couple of times in the past week that have really stood out to me. On my way home I was riding the bus and the scheduled time to be in Chicago was 9:40pm. Half way through the 8 hour trip, the driver announced it would be 10:00pm. I setup my ride to be picked up at 10:00pm before my phone died. At 10:00pm the bus was still 30 minutes from the city, but I had no way to communicate with my ride that we would be late. I began to become frustrated and cursing. When I arrived at Union Station, I felt bad that I had reacted in such a way and that I didn't instead respond to the situation. My next thought in this, was I am thankful that the bus made it safe home and that I had money to travel back to Missouri. I am thankful that God allowed me to enjoy a weekend with family and friends.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
