The other revelation that has surfaced is about life after my service program. This entire school year, my soul continues to speak "teaching isn't right, this is hard, I don't enjoy this) The last 5 months I had had negative attitudes not only toward teaching but it has extended into my relationships with others. I have been worrying and confused about where God is calling and kept thinking what a failure (I will have my Master's in Education and am not going to use it) This was until the Spirit spoke through Msgr. Swetland. Msgr. spoke about vocation and God's will. That the 10 commandments are our guide that this is the blueprint for life and yes Christ came to fulfill the law, not abolish the law.
Through discernment we are able to hear the will of God. Msgr. talked about how people will say "I don't know where God is calling?" Through prayer, you are able to discern, through being faithful, when you hear and listen, and saying yes to life that is fulfilling. Fulfilling doesn't mean easier. For an easy life isn't a life that God has called anyone to. Life has suffering and with suffering we are closest to our Savior. How hopeful and encouraged should we all be that our sins are forgiven and the greatest suffering already has happened on the cross.
Through the next 6 months, I vow to God, to commit my life to prayer to growing so close to Him that I know where I am being called. An example that Msgr. gave was "I have a close relationship with my mom and when I am home my mom can just look at the garbage in a certain way and I know to take it out. She doesn't even need to speak. In this same way your relationship with God should be this close where you are able to hear His voice" Through prayer is how a relationship is built. I used to think prayer was when I would tell God what I wanted to do and then did it. No, this is not what discernment is, it is taking time to pray and listen. At this point, I feel that God is calling me to be a FOCUS missionary. With my desire to work with college students, journey in faith, in Catholicism, and sharing the Gospel. Through opportunities and calls that I've been given (Newman Center, Summer Project) If this is God's will, He will confirm it through prayer. If not, my prayer is that I am shown the direction and that I listen.
After all of this, the one thing that I know is that we are all Made for More and saying yes to being someone who is made for more.
1.19.2010
Love and Responsibility
During the FOCUS conference, the most impacting sessions was called Love and Responsibility by Dr. Sri. It was based off Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. It truly blew me away. The depth and richness of the Catholic faith, my faith! How unworthy and undeserving I am, yet God has called and I answered yes to go where He calls and to share this faith with others because of the everlasting life only God gives through His son Jesus Christ. Praise! Alleulia! Through the sacraments, we are able to experience Christ more fully! And through this session I learned that we are called to turn away from an "immature love" to a "mature love." A love that has Christ at the very core of who every person is/what every person desires. This desire has been placed there so that we may have abundant life. Sometimes, most of the time, this "immature love" is what people have because of Satan who masks and makes the appearance of this "immature love" seem appealing and fulfilling, that to pursue the "immature love" it will give everlasting life. FALSE! That through being faithful, self-giving, and saying yes to God's call and will in life gives you a mature love. Only through grace and works, when combined will you reside with God. I am thrilled to start reading and diving into this book to learn about what mature love looks like and the theology of the Body to understand the very core of what the sacrament of the Eucharist is and how to live a life of holiness. Thanks be to God for confession, for the absolution of sins, that I now have a clean slate and a better understanding (yet so very miniscule) of how Christ satisfies through His body that was given up for us. I pray with humility for continued understanding, strength to say yes to letting Christ fill this physical desire I have during this period of singleness, the courage-(fearless courage) to be patient and trust God for my vocation of marriage and motherhood.
1.05.2010
Conversion
This will be the year of chastity for 2010.
On January 2nd, I went to confession with Fr. Mitchell from Lincoln, NE. I spoke of my desire, my physical desire to be with a man, and my vocation of marriage and how for the last 6 years I have tried to fill my life and mind with ways to meet this physical desire (impure thoughts, dancing, flirting, sentimentality)
So simply Fr. spoke of Psalm 63. The physical longing that David experienced in the desert of our Lord. As humans we desire to be with someone and through the Eucharist (The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Risen Lord Jesus), the sacrament that we're invited into fills this need, physical need and through this longing, Christ is intimate with us.
He literally dwells inside of us, as a tabernacle. How have I been blind to this? Since 2nd grade I have been participating in the Eucharist and just now at age 23, I have just begun this journey of understanding the mystery of the most blessed sacrament. How joyous, for this revelation! After reflecting for one day, I think back to when I've been told "these earthly desires can't fulfill, only Christ, only the Savior and the relationship with Him." It never made complete sense. I would hear these words and I thought, "this should make sense why am I not understanding, why do I keep looking for ways that I think can satisfy?" But God's timing is perfect and true. God had to take me on a journey of suffering and frustration, to finally understanding through fully exposing Himself at the exposition of the Eucharist. On January 2nd His body revealed Himself to me for the first time as a sacrifice, a sacrafice for me, that I was actually looking at the body of Christ. His saving power, His desire for our lives to trust Him. And for me to trust Him at this time in my life of singleness as He prepares me for the vocation of marriage. I do desire marriage, a ministry to each other as husband and wife to grow in faith, to encourage one another, have children as an expression of our marriage that God has called us to, has planned for us and God is asking, has been asking me to be patient, to trust in His timing that He knows well the plans He has for our life. (Jeremiah 29: 10) That during this time of singleness He is preparing me and my soul as well as the person He has planned for me. How BEAUTIFUL! and PERFECT! Through the last 6 years of suffering with being chaste and even before then, God has continued and continues to fight for my heart, to fulfill my desires and when I listen and respond to His call, He blesses us beyond measure. He gives us life to the fullest. He is, will be, and is to come. He is the Great I Am.
On January 2nd, I went to confession with Fr. Mitchell from Lincoln, NE. I spoke of my desire, my physical desire to be with a man, and my vocation of marriage and how for the last 6 years I have tried to fill my life and mind with ways to meet this physical desire (impure thoughts, dancing, flirting, sentimentality)
So simply Fr. spoke of Psalm 63. The physical longing that David experienced in the desert of our Lord. As humans we desire to be with someone and through the Eucharist (The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Risen Lord Jesus), the sacrament that we're invited into fills this need, physical need and through this longing, Christ is intimate with us.
He literally dwells inside of us, as a tabernacle. How have I been blind to this? Since 2nd grade I have been participating in the Eucharist and just now at age 23, I have just begun this journey of understanding the mystery of the most blessed sacrament. How joyous, for this revelation! After reflecting for one day, I think back to when I've been told "these earthly desires can't fulfill, only Christ, only the Savior and the relationship with Him." It never made complete sense. I would hear these words and I thought, "this should make sense why am I not understanding, why do I keep looking for ways that I think can satisfy?" But God's timing is perfect and true. God had to take me on a journey of suffering and frustration, to finally understanding through fully exposing Himself at the exposition of the Eucharist. On January 2nd His body revealed Himself to me for the first time as a sacrifice, a sacrafice for me, that I was actually looking at the body of Christ. His saving power, His desire for our lives to trust Him. And for me to trust Him at this time in my life of singleness as He prepares me for the vocation of marriage. I do desire marriage, a ministry to each other as husband and wife to grow in faith, to encourage one another, have children as an expression of our marriage that God has called us to, has planned for us and God is asking, has been asking me to be patient, to trust in His timing that He knows well the plans He has for our life. (Jeremiah 29: 10) That during this time of singleness He is preparing me and my soul as well as the person He has planned for me. How BEAUTIFUL! and PERFECT! Through the last 6 years of suffering with being chaste and even before then, God has continued and continues to fight for my heart, to fulfill my desires and when I listen and respond to His call, He blesses us beyond measure. He gives us life to the fullest. He is, will be, and is to come. He is the Great I Am.
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