Conversion

This will be the year of chastity for 2010.

On January 2nd, I went to confession with Fr. Mitchell from Lincoln, NE. I spoke of my desire, my physical desire to be with a man, and my vocation of marriage and how for the last 6 years I have tried to fill my life and mind with ways to meet this physical desire (impure thoughts, dancing, flirting, sentimentality)

So simply Fr. spoke of Psalm 63. The physical longing that David experienced in the desert of our Lord. As humans we desire to be with someone and through the Eucharist (The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Risen Lord Jesus), the sacrament that we're invited into fills this need, physical need and through this longing, Christ is intimate with us.

He literally dwells inside of us, as a tabernacle. How have I been blind to this? Since 2nd grade I have been participating in the Eucharist and just now at age 23, I have just begun this journey of understanding the mystery of the most blessed sacrament. How joyous, for this revelation! After reflecting for one day, I think back to when I've been told "these earthly desires can't fulfill, only Christ, only the Savior and the relationship with Him." It never made complete sense. I would hear these words and I thought, "this should make sense why am I not understanding, why do I keep looking for ways that I think can satisfy?" But God's timing is perfect and true. God had to take me on a journey of suffering and frustration, to finally understanding through fully exposing Himself at the exposition of the Eucharist. On January 2nd His body revealed Himself to me for the first time as a sacrifice, a sacrafice for me, that I was actually looking at the body of Christ. His saving power, His desire for our lives to trust Him. And for me to trust Him at this time in my life of singleness as He prepares me for the vocation of marriage. I do desire marriage, a ministry to each other as husband and wife to grow in faith, to encourage one another, have children as an expression of our marriage that God has called us to, has planned for us and God is asking, has been asking me to be patient, to trust in His timing that He knows well the plans He has for our life. (Jeremiah 29: 10) That during this time of singleness He is preparing me and my soul as well as the person He has planned for me. How BEAUTIFUL! and PERFECT! Through the last 6 years of suffering with being chaste and even before then, God has continued and continues to fight for my heart, to fulfill my desires and when I listen and respond to His call, He blesses us beyond measure. He gives us life to the fullest. He is, will be, and is to come. He is the Great I Am.